VietNamNet Bridge - When it comes to getting a wife, young Mong men don’t beat around the bush.

When springtime comes around and the cherry blossoms are in full bloom and the poetry of nature inspires romance, young Mong men living in Dong Van district of Ha Giang province, just like men everywhere, are out on the prowl looking for a woman to love.

Typically, a young man and his future bride will already have been courting before contemplating marriage and after informing their parents, as long as everyone approves, a betrothal ceremony will be held. Mong weddings are usually organised in spring as that is the season for all living beings, including humans, to reproduce according to their belief system.

Weddings are never held during the summer months when there are frequent thunderstorms. However should a loving couple’s relationship not be accepted by the young woman’s parents drastic measures are called for! Determined to be married the young couple will ask the man’s friends and relatives to be their ‘fifth column’. The group will work out a plan to help get the girl for her young lover.

She will go about her every day chores – gathering firewood and fetching water – and somewhere along the way her boyfriend will appear and with the help of his friends abduct her or to translate the local expression literally, “pull the bride back home”. Although the young woman will be willingly in on the plot she must pretend to be taken aback and shout for help.

If she doesn’t appear to be frightened or scream for help, she will belittle her family and her community and be considered a worthless woman. When her relatives arrive on the scene they will be armed with sticks and canes. The boyfriend and his friends will volunteer to be the whipping boys and according to Mong customs, they are not permitted to fight back.

After that the girlfriend will be allowed to go to the home of her fiancé. Before she enters the house, her future husband’s family will sacrifice a cock to exorcise any evil spirits that might be around. After this ritual the bride will be considered a member of her husband-to-be’s family and she cannot return to her parents’ home. She will be a ghost at her new house after her death.

Understandably the young woman’s family may not be too thrilled to have lost a daughter in such a fashion. However, if a groom has to resort to “pulling a bride back home”, then the family can request more expensive wedding presents than would be normally offered. This ‘punitive action’ must be accepted by the groom’s family otherwise they will incur the wrath of the community.

Therefore it is noteworthy that not every family can afford to “pull a bride back home” for their bachelor son. A family must be relatively well-off to meet the bride’s family’s lavish demands. It might take years to complete the payments. Despite the fact that the bride’s parents disapprove, the marriage is born from a young couple’s voluntary love.

(Source: Time-out)