VietNamNet Bridge - Thanh Tung looks at how traditional weddings differ from the north to the south of the country.

The protocol for engagement parties and weddings for Kinh people, the country’s largest ethnic group, differs throughout the country. In the north when a couple first decides to get hitched, a ceremony known as Le Dam Ngo will be held. Essentially this is when the couple’s families have a chance to meet and introduce themselves. As long as everyone is supportive of the wedding a date will also then be arranged for both the engagement ceremony and the wedding.

For the engagement party, known as Le An Hoi in Vietnamese, the fiancé and his entourage will visit his lover’s family home. Symbolic tributes of betel, areca, green rice flakes, cigarettes, sugar coated lotus seeds, wine and fruits will be offered. There may also be a special cake, called banh phu the, which symbolises the loyalty of a husband and wife. Some families might also have a suckling pig for this ceremony.

On the big day, all the groom’s family members have to go to the bride’s home at a specific or auspicious time. There will be speeches from both families, then the groom and the bride will pray at the ancestors altar, before the newly weds go to the groom’s house, where there will be more speeches. The couple will then exchange rings and the groom’s parents will offer the bride jewellry. In central Vietnam the routine is more simplified.

The engagement ceremony is where the two families and relatives will be introduced to each other and the couple. At the wedding, timing is important. People will have a set time for when the groom meets the bride or when the bride leaves her house. The tributes presented by the groom’s family are simple – just betel, areca, wine, candles and banh phu the. At some weddings there will be a line of friends known as phu dau and phu re behind the bride and groom. Rather like a groomsman or a bridesmaid in the West.

On the couple’s wedding night there will be a ceremony called giao boi hop can for which the bride and groom will be presented a tray with a glass of wine, 12 quid of betel, and some salt and ginger. The couple will eat all of the betel, which means they will enjoy 12 months a year of domestic bliss! Eating salt and ginger is believed to incarnate the deep love of the husband and wife. When the bride leaves her house, she will go alone. Her parents will visit the next day in order to check up on her (traditionally to see how she has behaved).

Both families will promise to help each other adjust to this new arrangement. Wedding parties in central provinces tend not to be as lavish or boisterous as weddings elsewhere. The MC for the wedding and both sets of parents will behave quite formally. The MC should be a family man and in good health while phu dau and phu re must be single and also in good health. There are other customs.

The wedding room must be tidied and decorated by a kind-hearted woman. Tributes for the bride’s family must also be prepared by an elderly person who has had a happy family. He or she will also arrange betel and areca as well as the family altar. There should be an even number of people in the procession following the groom to the bride’s family home. Before they leave for the bride’s family and before they come back to the groom’s house, several young married men will stand at the gate to see the procession off and welcome it back.

In the south, a wedding will take place in front of the groom’s family altar, which will be laden with fruit, cakes and joss-sticks. When the groom’s procession arrives at the bride’s house, the matchmaker will enter first. There will be gifts of betel, areca, fruit and sweets. There will also be two candles s on the altar. Afterwards the head of the groom’s clan will invite members of the bride’s party to enjoy tea, wine, betel and areca. Both families will present jewellry and cash to the couple.

Then the head of the bride’s family will announce that it is time to light the candles. This part of the ceremony is known as “Le len den” and when the candles are light is when the bride and groom become husband and wife. Le len den is the most important and sacred moment of the wedding ceremony. Before lighting the candles the head of the groom’s clan will pour wine into some cups on the altar.

He will light the candles and and present them to the couple who will place them in candlesticks. The flames symbolise vitality and optimism and connect the past with the present and the earth with the heavens. The candles should also burn evenly. If they burn unevenly, it is believed that the couple will have bad luck in the future. It is traditional for a married couple in all parts of the country to care for the man’s parents. This is why parents long to have a boy, who will also maintain the family name.

(Source: Timeout)