San Diu women prepare for the wedding

For the San Diu people in the northern mountains, a marriage occurs only after several days of songs.

Le’s family had chosen the happily married Truong Thai Chinh to be the marriage go-between for their son.

To begin his negotiations, Chinh had taken some betel and areca to the girl’s family and inquired about her birthday so that the parents could compare the couple’s birth dates and determine whether the betrothed were spiritually compatible.

Village elder Truong Van Thanh said the go-between played an important role. “He should be an upstanding member of the community and an eloquent speaker,” the 74-year-old said.

“And he should be able to fix any problems that may arise in the early days of a marriage. If the newlyweds have a spat for whatever reason, the bride can leave her husband’s home and stay with the go-between until he fixes the problem. She does not return to her parent’s house.”

Marriages in Minh Quang used to be arranged by parents, but these days the young people have more of an opportunity to do their own matchmaking.

“At the turn of every lunar year, our young people are allowed to travel in groups to Cam Lam, Don, Quang Ha and Vinh Yen markets, where they can meet others and perhaps hook up.”

These gatherings are occasions for the young people to perform the San Diu’s folk tunes, called soong co, which they sing with the boys in one group facing the girls in another at a discrete distance.

A young man begins to sing first, one of the girls responds, then each person begins singing with someone of the opposite sex, improvising the lyrics as they go. Here’s a typical exchange:

Man: I have loved you for so long, but my family is poor and has no silver coins. Will you consent to be my wife?

Girl: Fortune lies everywhere. My only fear is that you might be lazy.

Man: My hands are as strong as the trees in the forest; I do not fear hard work. My kitchen is cold; will you be my wife?

They sing for as long as it takes for a young man to gain the acceptance of a young woman. For Le, it was 18-year-old Lam Thi Xuan who let him take her head scarf, a sign of consent.

After being informed of the budding romance, the parents allowed the pair to visit each other’s families and sing more soong co with their friends until a mutual compact was sealed.

Every wedding season, at least two or three singing couples end up getting betrothed, said the commune’s chairman, Tran Quang Dap.

“It’s a good custom. I’ve never seen any young woman get pregnant before her wedding, and I don’t know of any San Diu couple that want to divorce,” Dap said.

Seizing the bride

It was a spring day and a noisy procession of brightly dressed villagers wound their way along the lane. At the head of the line were eight young men carrying a pig and other wedding gifts.

Le’s family members were off to pick up his bride and escort her to their home. In accordance with custom, the groom did not go with them.

Soong co played a big part in the wedding. The bride’s family and friends placed some obstacles to stop Le’s family from entering the house and then began singing, asking if the groom’s party had brought enough gifts and if they were really willing to take the bride.

The groom’s entourage had to respond with improvised lyrics before they could enter the yard.

Xuan’s older brother then came out of the door with the bride on his back, took three steps forward and handed his sister over.

The bride’s girlfriends accompanied her to Le’s house, where a crowd was standing outside.

A few minutes later, a man stepped out and proclaimed: “Now it’s time to come in!”

Age-old ritual

Another man held a parasol as the bride stepped over the threshold. The girls quickly nudged Xuan into the bridal chamber and closed the door, but not before Le had managed to snatch the veil off his bride’s head. He’d been standing by the door for that very purpose.

“Had I not grabbed the veil before the door shut, my parents would have had to pray to our ancestors and I would have had to do it again,” Le explained.

Then came the wedding banquet, for which Le’s family had set 70 tables. As they feasted, the younger partygoers sang more soong co.

Though it should have been the happiest night of a young man’s life, Le had to spend it with his friends and family in the living room, and not by his wife’s side.

And the next morning, again as dictated by custom, the bride was not allowed to leave her bedroom until everyone had finished breakfast.

Xuan then brought a basin of water with both hands, and invited each family member to wash. In turn, they gave Xuan some money and wished her a happy night with her new husband. Xuan gave each guest a handkerchief, and everyone said goodbye.

Le was very pleased with the wedding and how everything had gone off so well.

“She is a very good girl, and we love each other so much. I think we will be very happy,” he said with a radiant smile on his face.

Reported by Trung Hieu