Vietnam and Denmark on November 2 signed a memorandum of understanding on cultural cooperation during the 2009-2014 period.

Parents spend time playing with children during a Family Day Festival at HCM City. Psychologists have noted that teenagers who feel isolated or depressed can resort to self-harm.

Psychologist Dr Nguyen Hoi Loan, from the Social Sciences and Humanities University, said that a number of wealthy teenagers between 12 and 16-years-old from the country’s big cities had no one to share their experiences with during these turbulent years. They feel drowned in loneliness and sadness.

“My parents usually went far from home for their business. I felt lonely having to live with just my housekeeper. However, I felt even more lonely when they came back home because arguments would always break out between them. There was no laughter around me, just tears and arguments. It really tortured me,” said Vi.

The 13-year-old Nguyen Viet Tuan from HCM City receives a strict upbringing from his parents. He is forced to stay at home after school because his parents assume that most children these days are spoiled and are afraid of him being influenced by these types of children. His parents also pressure him to do well at school.

He says that he feels lonely and scared when he stays at home with his parents because if he does poorly in school, they will shout at him.

Ngo Xuan Diep, a psychologist at the Ha Noi’s Children Psychological Consultancy Centre, said that children in big cities were taught to develop their IQ but not their Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Due to a lack of EQ, they would be more vulnerable to problems that arise from stress and pressure in their life.

Loan said that Vi and Tuan who were abandoned at their homes by their parents, were prime examples.

Diep said that self-mutilation, not only in Viet Nam but also in other countries, had become a dangerous coping mechanism because it was “infectious.” Many self-mutilators post their images of their cuts on blogs to show off, which can led others to imitate them in order to deal with depression.

Bui Thi Hiep, the director of Ha Noi’s Children Psychological Consultancy Centre, said that there was no official survey on the number of children that part-took in self-mutilation. However, this had become quite popular with a number of teenagers in recent years.

Psychologists agree that children are being left to manage their lives by themselves without the proper care and guidance from their parents, who are consumed with their jobs.

Diep said that self-mutilation was a reactive psychological mechanism in children that could be triggered by an excess of depression and stress.

Nguyen Thi Hoa Minh, the psychologist of An Viet Son Psychology Centre, said that teenagers cut their wrists in order to express anger toward their life and family.

Depression

Minh said that if this situation persisted, these teenagers would likely fall into deeper depression. Their condition would also likely perpetuate with the teenagers becoming more prone to react in physically harmful manners when confronted with stress or conflict.

Hiep said that if self mutilation was not addressed quickly then the children might become suicidal.

“My parents never listened to me. They were too busy to listen to me,” said Vi.

Loan said that the parents’ transgressions eroded the confidence of their children. Arguments and neglect within their families lead to emotional disorders. Thus, self mutilation becomes a form of rebellion and a method to release stress.

Vi said that when her parents came back home she would wear long-sleeve shirts to avoid being caught.

Vi’s mum, Le Thu Ha, never thought that her daughter’s fashion choices were particularly odd. She and Vi rarely talked to each other anyways. One day, while in Vi’s room, she found a blood-tainted razor under a table. She then asked Vi about it, but was not answered. She then took Vi to a hospital, where she discovered her daughter’s condition.

“It was at that time that I realised that I was responsible for the situation. Vi’s father and I needed to change for the sake of our child,” said Vi’s mother.

Loan said that self-mutilation is often a cry for help, and parents need to learn to befriend their children rather than ignore them.

Tran Kim Thanh, a teacher at Ha Noi’s Dong Da High School, said that 10 years ago, students dealt with little stress and had few risks to their life. Now, the situation was much different. Their psychological state had become increasingly complicated with life changing every minute.

Hiep said that children suffering from self-mutilation tended to spend time with others with the same problems.

Hiep said that children could phone the centre to talk with a professional to receive advice.

Vi said that she was much luckier than many of her friends, who are still addicted to self-mutilation. Now she and her parents spend more time to chat and have fun together.

“I’m closer to my mum and I can trust and share my problems with her now,” said Vi.

VietNamNet/Viet Nam News